life sucks

I try to be optimistic. I really do. I always say that God only gives us the burdens that we can handle, but you know what? I'm angry right now because I don't want this anymore.

Everyone knows that I hate law school and that I've tried so hard to like something about it. There are days when I have less hate, but it's there nonetheless. It's difficult to know that I made a rash decision and came to this hell hole because I thought it was an opportunity that I couldn't pass up. Well, now I know better. It's ok to say no to things. Not every single chance that arises for you to do something is one that you should accept. Maybe if I were less impulsive, I could have avoided some heartache.

So now I'm stuck in this place until I get my required 85 credits. Only this semester and then 31 to go...

To make matters worse, I have to love someone who doesn't live in the same city that I do and that I don't get to see for another month at least. I've loved him for years, and despite everything that we've gone through, the love is still there and strong. It fucking hurts. Both of us alone, both of us loving each other, both of us knowing that there's nothing we can do about the situations we're in.

So here I am, God. Dealing with this pain and wishing it would just end. How about dabbing a little mercy my way and letting me get what I want? Is that so hard?

Seriously. Life sucks. Maybe someday I'll be happy again, but right now it looks like the next couple of years are going to be full of days like this when I want nothing more than to give everything and everyone a big "fuck you," move to North Carolina to my favorite beach, read all day, and bartend at night. Although Matt mentioned the Cayman Islands...which wouldn't be too bad either.