another day ends, and i'm still drowning in thoughts

Lately i keep thinking about the past and all of the things that have happened in my life. It's kind of amazing to imagine all of the stories, but my problem is that I can't stop. I feel like I'm stuck constantly remembering this and that and not living the life that's right in front of me. It's disconcerting and scary and worrisome.

That's why I forced myself to go out Friday night. I have to admit that I had a blast. I'd actually never hung out in Fells Point even though I used to go out so much. Baltimore really is a fun place for weekends, but that's about it. ;) People were shocked to see me out, but it was wonderful to see so many familiar faces in one place and at a social setting. It made me remember that I'm lucky to have that. I think of all the people who are lonely and needing company and how glad I am to have the friendships and family that I do.

My nephew turned 4 today. . . kind of crazy. My little Zeanna Kattrine (the niece named after me :p and it's pronounced "See-on-a" or "Zeannie") turns 3 on December 1st. My friend saw a picture of her and he told me that she looks like my daughter. :)

Which brings me to having kids and marriage. It's been on my mind a lot. It bothers me that there isn't more of a focus on family and community anymore. I want kids who value where they come from and who they are, and I want them to know that they're loved. I feel like nowadays society loves to just put kids in front of a tv/computer/other tech gadget and say, "enjoy".

Even my family has fallen victim to it, when my parents tried so hard not to let it happen. We still go out on Sundays to mass and lunch, but when we're home everyone is usually in a different room watching TV. I guess part of the problem there is that we all like different things. Mom and her novelas, Dad and PBS, and then me with umm. . . I guess Fox is what I watch most followed by ABC. Damn lack of cable.

It's really because we live in this country that we turned this way. I remember in Costa Rica we had one TV. (Oddly enough, with cable) We would all watch it together, and it was nice. We also used to take day trips on Sundays: to the volcano, to Heredia's resort for my favorite cream of mushroom and chicken soup, to the Orosi river, to the President's parties at his vacation home (think Camp David), Cartago. . . I was so lucky. Now Sundays are for football, which is wonderful, but I miss the day trips. I guess I'm to blame for their phasing out since I used to complain so much as a kid when my parents would take me to the museums in DC.

I guess now that I'm thinking of having kids and raising them and all that good and scary stuff, the more I realize how glad I am that my parents raised me the way that they did. The actual parenting wasn't always perfect and I think both they and I understand that, but now that I see their intentions and what a wonderful effect it has had on my character, I thank God for it.

*sigh* So much more on my mind, but I'll leave you with this: My house in Costa Rica. Yes, I realize that it's a restaurant now. One day I will go back there and eat dinner in my house turned restaurant. . . who wants to come with?