Obstacle 1

Today I partnered up with one of the hot guys in my Advanced Legal Research class (yes, there are actually a few good looking ones in there) and I found out that he's in his last year of his JD/MBA. Here was our convo:

Me: Is it a hard program?
MBA guy: Well, to be honest with you, no.
Me: Yeah, I didn't think so. My Masters wasn't all that terrible.
MBA guy: Oh yeah, what's your Masters in?
Me: Eh, it's a Masters of Science in Information Systems Technology.
MBA guy: Wow. . . that sounds insane. Where from?
Me: GW
MBA guy: I'm really impressed.
Me: You shouldn't be. It wasn't that hard.

Here we have:
1) Fake modesty/downplaying of achievements
2) Blatant flirting
3) Two complete losers that love the business and law

*Sigh* I wonder what kind of love life I'm going to have whenever I start actually dating again. I have this insane obsession with very intelligent guys, and the whole higher education thing is kind of hot too. Mmm.... brains.

fire and rain

Recent headlines:

Katrina delivers blow to struggling airlines
Katrina batters NASA facility
Katrina hits weather Web sites
KATRINA'S FURYWho is next?
Has Katrina affected you? E-mail us your story, photos and video
Katrina's toll leaves Gulf Coast reeling
Katrina closes 123 Wal-Marts

It was all kind of funny when people were teasing me about it, but it really sucks now that the storm has become a hurricane and has devestated so many peoples' lives. It's really making me sick to my stomach. . . especially since one of my really good college friends is in Biloxi and her news station basically disappeared. Thank God for safety rooms, whatever they are. :/

Pray for those people down there, and help however you can. . . this shit is no joke.

Technologic

I left my ethernet cord at the house (Ridgley's) today so I didn't have internet access during Con Law or Evidence. Instead, I ran my Disk Defragmenter for entertainment:


... if you don't know what this is, then just know that it's a very computer tech geek thing to do, and i'm cool because there's a lot of blue at the bottom. :p

that don't impress me much

Congratulations, Kattrina!
Your IQ score is 136

This number is based on a scientific formula that compares how many questions you answered correctly on the Classic IQ Test relative to others.

Your Intellectual Type is Visionary Philosopher. This means you are highly intelligent and have a powerful mix of skills and insight that can be applied in a variety of different ways. Like Plato, your exceptional math and verbal skills make you very adept at explaining things to others and at anticipating and predicting patterns.

Maybe I can use this to prove to people that I am indeed the perfect fit to become a teacher of decoding cryptographic patterns consisting of mathematical interspacial relationships. Or perhaps it just goes to show that I'm going to be the eternal student. Does anyone in this world possess a BBA, MS, JD, LLM, and MBA? I could be the first to do that, and no. . . I don't want to earn a PHD. I'll just get an honorary one somewhere down the line. :p

Link to test, but be sure to use a junk e-mail address since you will inevitably get unsolicited e-mail in the form of advertisements from Tickle.

i love my parents

today's lunch with mom and dad consisted of:

-discussing mom's hair and the fact that even though she's in her 60's,she's not in the 60's
-various nods of acknowledgement between me and my dad at how ridiculous my mom can be (eg-today she said that Americans eat salad at the END of lunch. at which point, my dad and i pointed out that salad is an appetizer in this country. . . )
-reminiscing about Costa Rica, especially the time they shot our house and our military-appointed guard thought he was going to get shot by the US bodyguards from the embassy who came to protect us since the police wouldn't interfere with "foreign affairs"
-hearing stories about my dad being a judge, my uncle being drafted when he was 13, my mom fainting from an intruder (the milkman), my uncles throwing their cousin down the stairs b/c she was fat and whiny, my grandmother living through a civil war, and you know, the normal kinds of family stories people share at lunch :p

And people ask me why I like coming home???? :) I'm blessed with amazing parents. Isn't it obvious?

Iron and Wine

Apples & Wine

Women are like apples on trees. The best ones are at the top of the tree. Most men don't want to reach for the good ones because they are afraid of falling and getting hurt. Instead, they just take the rotten apples from the ground that aren't as good, but easy to pick up...The apples at the top think something is wrong with them, when in reality, they're amazing. They just have to wait for the right man to come along, the one who's brave enough to climb all the way to the top of the tree. Now Men... Men are like a fine wine. They begin as grapes, and it's up to women to stomp the crap out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with.

:) I like that story. And since I'll be called a feminist man-hater who never wants a man in my life again for this one post, I would like to say that I like guys. Not all of them are assholes, but the ones who act that way are certainly more memorable. On the flip side, girls can be bitchy and a pain in the ass. Really, it's just hard to find a good partner in life. There seem to be few good men or women out there, but I'm sure they're there somewhere. We just have to learn to be patient.

And. . . . YEAH SKINS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :-D I'm so glad PreSeason started, but man oh man. . . Thursday, September 8th. I don't care where law school people are going to party. I'm going to be in front of a TV. Good night! :)

X & Y

One of the books that I'm in the process of reading is The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, and I find this quote extremely pertinent lately:

One of the things Ford Prefect had always found hardest to understand about humans was their habit of continuously stating and repeating the very very obvious, as in It's a nice day, or You're very tall, or Oh dear you seem to have fallen down a thirty-foot well, are you all right?

That's exactly how my life has been lately. People are usually telling me that I'm very tall, and my response has become: Gee, thanks, I hadn't noticed that I was a quarter of an inch from being six feet tall. However, now there are some new comments arising:

Brian: hey whoreface
Me: good morning sweetheart
Brian: i see they named a tropical storm after you
Me: yes, but it's spelled wrong... it didn't have enough power to be named after my rage
Brian: either that, or its not destructive enough yet.. ;-)

Rohan: way to be a hurricane
Me: i know, i rock

Josh: i always knew you were full of hot air

Those are only the instant messages. . . now there are e-mails, phone calls, and text messages that need to stop.** So, if you're going to point out that there's a hurricane named after me, you really shouldn't. I might punch you for stating the obvious.

**This does not mean that I don't appreciate the following kinds of comments which I received today:

Random truck driver on Greene Street: I just wanted to tell you that you are absolutely beautiful. Have a wonderful day! (this wasn't creepy only because it was the first thing I heard this morning and he was super sweet about it. . . ie-hot)

Prof. Koller: Hey Kattrina! Ooh. . . nice tan!

Security Guard at school (not Duke): Wow, you look incredible. Did you change from earlier today?
Me: No, I actually just put my hair up.
Security Guard: Well, good job. You look great.

In the above instances, it is completely ok to state the obvious!!! In fact, do it often. :p

And the prodigal tease returns. . .

-Mom: so whose party are you talking about?
*Me: Dan's
-Wait, which one? The DC guy?
*NO!!! I told you that I sent that Dan to rot in hell, haven't talked to him since, and never will. I'm talking about law school Dan.
-The one you met at the conference?
*No, no. The one you think is cute.
-Oh, ok, but the engaged one is also having a party this weekend?
*No, no, no!!! That party is in a few weeks.
-Wait, so which other party are you going to?
*One here in town, with the guys from the MBA program.
-Where'd they come from?
*They're friends with that guy I've known since 8th grade.
-The one who lives in Chicago or the one who was best friends with the Chilean you dated?
*Neither. I'm talking about the one that Liz used to have a crush on.
-Kattrina, you have too many guys in your life, and I can't keep track.
*Well, just think of this as round two of college minus the drinking and smoking. . . and me going out in 3 different cities instead of one. :p

first day of class

got up this morning at 8am with no motivation to drive to school. when i hit 95, i realized why i had that little bit of apprehension. . . an accident at my exit, which extended my normal 45 minute/hour commute to 2 hours. normally, i'd let that ruin my day, but i couldn't care less. i read my first assignment in 30 minutes, and my first 2 hour class of the semester was actually entertaining. my prof mentioned quite a lot of fingering, even in deutsch (Das fingerspitzengefuhle), asked us if we were at law school to defend the pandas. . . may have called us morons at some point. I'm going to like this sarcastic fuck of a judge. Seriously, I like him. The previous comment was one of absolute praise. the only strange thing is that i've seen his son ridiculously drunk and participating in a dance-off. ugh. that is a memory i'd like to forget.

now I've got the house all to myself. I made fun of F.P. a while back for baking cookies when his parents were out, but i have a tendency of making fun of people i like so i'm going to one up him today, yes sir!!! i shall make brownies. then i'm off to DC for a dinner with 2 hotties and 5 guys. :) seriously, for a first day of school. . . my life fucking rocks.

what fools these mortals be

he's nearing 40, still single, and living at home. he got an accounting degree but never got a good job with it or any further education. he's a loser only because he got his heart broken by his real love, and he never recovered.

after the break-up, he turned to drinking, partying, cheating on women, and treating everyone in his life like shit. he pretended to be happy with his life of fun and debauchery, but i always cautioned him and begged him to make up with that girl. she may have been a bitch at times, but she was the best woman to ever come into his life because she made him a better man and truly loved him. i find it ironic that a girl almost 20 years younger than him could see that he was going to waste the best years of his life and that he would eventually regret being so stubborn and unable to forgive.

now, he's stuck with nothing to offer anyone and all because he wanted to take out the pain he felt from one girl on the world. it's so pathetic and pointless, but i can't tell him, "i told you so."

i guess it just makes me sad b/c i see it too often in people. they let one person hurt them, and take it out on everyone after that. i've been guilty of it myself, but now i'm realize that i'm bound to get hurt and that's ok. there's no way in hell that i'm wasting the best part of my life by being miserable over failed relationships. it just makes me sad to know that some people are playing that ridiculous, childish game of "you hurt me, and now i'll hurt you and everyone else till i'm satisfied" because they will only end up lonely and miserable. maybe i should stop caring, but i see it too many people near me.

so do me a favor and enjoy life. be good and stay safe. it'll make me happy, and you know that my happiness is all that matters. :)

ps-the guy i'm talking about is my cousin in Colombia, though it could easily be said about a few other men in my life. most of which i hate, actually. the whole game makes me upset, but more than that, it makes me angry. . . oh well. what gets around, comes around, and whatever pain you inflict will come back to bite you in the ass 10 times worse. just wait and see.

MILF in training

i'm an old woman, at 23 and living with my parents. i drive around in a minivan; i don't smoke; i don't drink; i haven't seen any of my friends in weeks, for some it's been months. the last movie i saw was charlie and the chocolate factory. . . with my brother, my sister and her husband, and my nephews and niece. my god, i even do physical activities!!! yesterday, i played pool, went to the driving range, ran twice, did about 200 crunches.

Wait a second. . . I've also washed the minivan in a bikini and I'm as tan as umm. . . whatever is really tan. I've become a MILF in training!!! That's kind of hot, unlike my niece peeing in my room. Potty training is not cool, not at all.

Nor is the fact that after re-reading this post I sound like a complete fucking ditz. A computer geek with 2 degrees that take 5 minutes to say out loud and is pursuing a 3rd shouldn't sound so damn idiotic. Apologies to all the smart ladies out there.

R.I.P. RLS

I didn't like you much when I first saw you. You looked so harsh, ostentatious, bitchy. I think that mostly it was the fact that my sister adored you, with your snobbish ways and brand name style.

I'm the kind of person that looks deeper, though, so I tried hard to like you. I took you with me to so many places, and we always had a blast in the sun. As time passed, I realized that maybe you weren't so bad and eventually I even started to like you quite a bit. I started to need you, and when I thought I couldn't see through things, you were there at hand to guide me.

I became so attached to you that my boyfriend was jealous of you; he told me constantly how much he hated your pretention, but I defended you, my friend. I also protected you from my sister, who wanted to steal you away from me. I never let her do it. You had become much too important. The only love in my life that I shared with you was my niece, who immediately took a liking to you and asked for you incessantly.

This week I lost you to the sea, my dear. You were at my side for years and years, through so many memories, both happy and sad. Now you are resting at the bottom of the ocean because of my folly in taking you with me into the water. In my 10 years of owning sunglasses, you were the first pair I actually fell in love with. I'm sorry I dropped you so damn much and exposed you to the salt water that would become your final resting place, but it was time for you to go. You will always be kindly remembered in my heart.

R.I.P. my sweet Ralph Lauren Sunglasses. . . I shall miss you.

:p

VACATiON!!!!

finally........... room is clean, life is in order. time for a vacation at the beach with my lovely family.

don't worry, i'll be back in a week or so. i'll leave you this:

No one has earned the right to intellectual ambition until they have learned to lay their course by a star which they have never seen – to dig by the divining rod for springs which they may never reach. In saying this I point to that which will make your study heroic. For I say to you in all sadness of conviction, that to think great thoughts you must be heroes as well as idealists. Only when you have worked alone – when you have felt all around you a black gulf of solitude more isolating than that which surrounds the dying, and in hope and in despair have trusted to your own unshaken will – then only will you have achieved. Thus only can you gain the secret isolated joy of the thinker, who knows that, a hundred years after they are dead and forgotten, people who have never heard of them will be moving to the measure of their thought – the subtle rapture of a postponed power, which the world knows not because it has no external trappings, but which to their prophetic vision is more real than that which commands an army. And if this joy shall not be yours, still it is only thus that you can know that you have done what it lay in you to do – can say that you have lived, and be ready for the end.

Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr, “The Profession of Law,” an 1886 speech to Harvard undergraduates

good to know i'm not going to hell

The Dante's Inferno Test has sent you to Purgatory!
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:

Level	Score
Purgatory (Repenting Believers)	Very High
Level 1 - Limbo (Virtuous Non-Believers)	Low
Level 2 (Lustful)	High
Level 3 (Gluttonous)	Low
Level 4 (Prodigal and Avaricious)	Very Low
Level 5 (Wrathful and Gloomy)	Low
Level 6 - The City of Dis (Heretics)	Very Low
Level 7 (Violent)	Moderate
Level 8- the Malebolge (Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers)	Moderate
Level 9 - Cocytus (Treacherous)	Low

Take the Dante's" Inferno Test

what sucks is that the evil of lawyering is clearly getting to me......... lustful, violent (well, that comes from years of abuse at home from my bro), and fraudulent, malicious, panderers. can't wait to go back to training!

thank goodness i'm living at home again. it balances the evil that is baltimore and law school. seriously guys, i will never like that city. the jury's still out on law school, since i'm making it my MBA/JD minus the MBA. . . although Lee is trying to convince me to get one.

he tried to remember the details. the way strands of hair fell gently across her face, the smooth curves of her body in his hands, the sweet, intoxicating smell lingering in his bed. he yearned for the angelic sound of her voice, the ambrosial taste of her neck, the beauty of her love-making.

she always knew how to penetrate him with those eyes, those warm, brown eyes. she simultaneously managed to consume his entire being while divulging her own. it was passion that he saw in those eyes, complete and unaltered, a richness so deep that he never tired of it.

now those same eyes conveyed a cutting hate which stabbed through every part of his body. the same woman, who had stood before him naked, vulnerable, willing to give him everything, had turned her fervor into a scalding fire that hurt him more than she knew. he searched for the kindness that had once warmed his heart, but he found none of it. she was always good at hiding behind those eyes; he wondered now if the love of his life was gone forever.

the only feeling that resounded through her was a profound sense of disgust and resentment, rooted in something so deep that her heart was fighting and screaming to let out. she knew the thin line between love and hate, yet she couldn't cross it. he had ripped her to pieces, destroyed all hope of happiness... but all she needed was a few of his words, the way he had murmured them to her many times before, and all the pain would be forgotten. she waited and listened, searching for the comfort in his voice to return so all the bad memories could melt away. instead, all he gave her was indifferent, monotone speech that cut into the wound that would not heal. she wondered if the stranger before her would ever give way to the love of her life that she so sorely missed.

it was pathetic. he searched in her eyes; she searched in his words; and neither found the love that was screaming at them. as they walked away from each other one last time, unfulfilled by their meeting, she let her eyes glisten with tears while he mumbled, i love you. . .

explanation of the blog

so, i know. the blog is getting weird and depressing. really, i'm just trying out this whole "writing" thing. :) it's a lot easier to write about depressing shit than it is to write about anything else. besides, i like getting reactions. so even if you don't feel comfortable leaving a comment on the blog, IM me about it. (on the rare occasion that i'm online. . . considering i'm rarely on at home)

my life right now... not so exciting. i sleep in till whenever i feel like it, have lunch, watch tv, go out to dinner with some boy, come home early and watch more tv. my dad keeps giving me books to read, but i have no desire to read lately. it's been so long since i watched tv that i'm taking in all the crap that there is. i think i'm done, though. time to start reading.

the old college kattrina is back, which is strange. i'm going out almost every night with a different boy, still being a prude :p, not drinking an ounce, getting home by midnight at the latest. . . and sometimes home before even my parents!!! SO weird to go back to how i was when i was younger. law school folks don't know me like this and it's going to be an adjustment, but it's ok. my philosophy was always: take me as i am or don't bother talking to me.

anyhow, don't flip out over the blog. i've just always had an interest in really writing but never had the time to actually do it. i've got another 2 weeks to kill until school starts. ;)

50th entry

she looks worried, confused, but there's a determination and pride in her countenance that's unmistakable. she wonders why she thinks so much, what could be occupying her mind. she's so young, so naive, so inexperienced. . . how can such a youth look so wise? her voice is that of an angel, but the words that storm out of her sweet mouth are nothing but sharp feelings and expressions of pain, hurt, love. there's no denying that this girl is in a category of her own. people put her on a pedestal, admire her virtue, her undeniable beauty.

she speaks of loneliness and emptiness. she's known long nights of drinking, smoking, coming home to a dirty apartment reeking of bars and the desire for sex clinging to her body. . . the sweat from dancing, the cologne from the guy she was clinging to, the residue of his lips on her neck, the mascara quickly fading under her eyes. when she can't stand the stench of it all, she turns to books, to movies, to hermitism.

the books provide a beautiful escape for the girl, a place where her prince charming tells her that her mistakes have been forgiven, that she is good, that her incredible capacity to love will finally be returned, her passion lightened once again. her fantasy world is incredible, bringing joy to her very being and she feels like herself once again, in love with herself, in love with life. nothing could be better, until she drowns in her racing mind. she screams out loud for help but nobody hears her because her words come only as a whisper. a whisper that drives her insane, pushes her back towards the animalistic world of human desires. she craves a smooth drink to soothe her thirst and obfuscate her perceptions, a sultry cigarette resting on her cherry red lips so she can blow out a cloud of smoke that hides how she's feeling, another man leaning in close to her body asking to take her home and show her the beauty of sex.

it's tempting, all of it. escaping, denying reality. the girl doesn't know what life to choose, who to follow, where to go, how to live. so she tries to be herself, she tries to find out who that is. once she knew, but she lost her way. now she tries to find her way back, alone. the men in her life always said they would help, that they would always be by her side, but they all lied. she pushed them away, she rejected and hurt them only so she could be left alone. she was too good for them and their ways. so now she walks an unknown road that looks familiar, knowing that she must walk alone. she hopes for something good in the end, but she's not sure if she's just being the hopeless romantic that lives in a fantasy world. she feels that loneliness and sadness will be her only companions in life, but that would be too perfect for the sullen, cynical girl.

so, here she is: vulnerable and bare and searching for direction, yet willing to fight and steadfast in her conviction. what do you tell her?

new style of writing... comments?

you wake up to a morning with that empty feeling in your stomach, knowing that it will be yet another ordinary day in your meaningless life.

some of you reek of alcohol and cigarettes, that impregnated smell that becomes a staple of your work clothes, an aroma attached to your very being. it's sickening to you, but you still keep doing it. every night you're out until you can't drink anymore, getting up in the morning and heading to a pathetic piece of crap job that you wish you could throw out the window. you live in office space. if you keep this up, you'll be "that guy" with cirrhosis and lung cancer to accompany you in old age. what a nice picture.

then there are the others. you spend every night home alone, watching tv, watching movies, reading books, ignoring the loneliness you feel inside. you create a fantasy world for yourself so that you can avoid the reality of who you are, where you're not going and how fast you're getting there. your life is wasting away before you and you're powerless to stop it from slipping through your hands. the sands of time are too thin for you to trap, but coarse enough to leave scars as you struggle to stop this from happening. this thing. . . this life, so you hide in someone else's.

then there's me. i wake up knowing that we are all meant to be alone. nobody is ever happy. i've seen death, i've seen life, love unlike any other that brings absolute joy to this world and love so hurtful that it has the capacity to destroy your hopes and dreams with one glance. dissapointment, pride, all these feelings i've seen and experienced. what can i do to change the past? nothing. what can i do to control the future? even less. so what do i do? i enjoy now. i sleep in late, i reject drugs that will affect my body and my mind's ability to see life for what it is, i hug my nephews and niece, they hug and kiss me back. i feel love, i feel sorry for the people i loved and hurt. i feel. . . life hurts, it does, but nobody said this was easy. whatever they say is a lie anyway. nobody ever really says what they truly mean. there's always a hidden meaning. there's always more to it than what you see. look deeper. . . look within you. you'll find truth, but be ready. the truth is the most painful thing you'll ever encounter.

first day of august

the first day of august, the beginning of the dog days of summer. the fun is ending, people are rushing to make last minute vacation plans, students and teachers are dreading the start of another school year while people in the work force thank god that the summer is over so they can stop coming in to work every morning with sweat on their foreheads and a need for 10 minutes before they cool off at their desk.

this was my first summer off since i was 17. i enjoyed it. i've got another 3 weeks with nothing to do. today should have been the start of a reading frenzy. . . i have a fervent desire to finish all the books that are laying on my floor. since nobody knows what they are, here are the titles/author in no particular order:

The Brothers Karamazov/Dostoevsky
Discourse on Method and the Meditations/Descartes
The Stones of Summer/Mossman
The Eight/Neville
Dialogues of Plato
Tales of Mystery and Imagination/Poe
L'Amant/Duras
Anectodes of Destiny and Ehrengard/Dinesen
How to win friends and influence people/Carnegie
Crossing the threshold of hope/John Paul II
Leadership is an art/DePree
What would Machiavelli do?/Bing
Walden/Thoreau
Conceived without sin/Macfarlane
Middlemarch/Eliot
Dialogues of Plato
Corazon/Amicis
Our Lady of the Lost and Found/Schoemperlen
Will Catholics be left behind?/Olson
War and Peace/Tolstoy
The Return of the Native/Hardy
Confessions/St. Augustine
Black Market/Patterson
Conversations with God/Walsch
Franz Kafka and Prague/Salfellner
The Dark Bride/Restrepo
Success through a positive mental attitude/Hill

That's all. Oh. . . and I'm striving to read Harry Potter to Philip in the next 2 weeks as well. Somehow I'm also going to unpack all my shit from NY and Baltimore, paint my room, and rearrange everything so it looks exactly how I want it. LOL. . . I'm a bit ambitious, as if you didn't know it.

And of course. . . plans are popping up like crazy. This week I've got a happy hour (that I'm forcing my friend to turn into dinner so I don't have to drink), a bbq, a dinner and movie, another movie, and a Redskins scrimmage. Next week is 2 lunches and a breakfast. . . possibly a dinner. It's incredible how many people I know, but I'm glad to be at home again. Things are good, even if they are busier than I really would like.