procrastination bit me in the ass but it doesn't hurt

so i definitely didn't finish that petition on time, and what i handed in was absolute crap. this is what i get for sleeping this week and having possibly the worst immune system known to man. i'm still sick. my throat is killing me. it doesn't help that i've been up for 35 hours now (minus 2 hours in naps). so, no law review for me. i'm not all that upset, to be honest. everyone was always amazed at how i could pull off assignments at the last minute and still get good grades. this time, i didn't succeed. . . of course this isn't graded and law review isn't my cup of tea, but congrats to those of you who finished though and good luck to you!!! :) and finally, procrastination didn't work. i hope that i learned a lesson, i really do.

now for my random interest in numbers:

if my dividend miles are dollar for dollar to what i've spent since February 2004, that means that i average an expense of $59.74 a day. i guess those trips to NY added up, lol. . . plus the laptop and books and tuition. i guess $24,000 isn't THAT much, but seriously, i thought i was good at saving. never realized i was good at spending too. :P

then. . . the phone says i've had 6,250 calls for a total of 976 hours, 49 minutes, and 0 seconds. That's 6 hours and 23 minutes per call. Actually, it really only means that I used to fall asleep on the phone a lot. :P What a waste of minutes, but it was "cute" then.

My, my, how things change. That's all. back to doing nothing till I go over to Shecky's, since i don't have class.

Oh. . . another cool number thing. I got 1,000 miles today for booking my trip to Georgia plus another 1,000 when I check in online, which means that my next flight is FREE. :) :) :) :)

LIFE IS GOOD AND I AM HAPPY!!! And no, I didn't have an ounce of coffee, but seriously, I don't ever want to pull an all nighter again. Ever. I've got to learn to study during the day.

heheh.... 4:20. :P

happy, happy, and happy

ok, SO not done with my law review petition, but that's not so important.

tonight i talked to my mom for two hours. i really need that. she actually told me that she and my dad might come up this weekend. i've got too much going on already, but i really want to see them so i'll probably call her in 6 hours to tell her to come up anyway. :) i wish i had money so i could buy them theater tickets as a b-day present for my dad!!!! argh. stupid lack of money. maybe i'll actually be in debt on my credit cards??? umm.. no, can't do that. :P

tonight i was feeling down b/c of this law review crap, but my mom made it all better. she has so much faith in God, and it's wonderful b/c it's a quality that I definitely inherited. i love talking to her so much b/c she says everything that i believe, but struggle to believe since life can get you down sometimes. so, for example, i was telling her how disappointed i am in the fact that guys for the most part don't seem to get it. most of them are so immature and looking to get drunk and have fun and "enjoy life." she told me to have faith, though, because before i know it, a guy who is more in tune with how i am will come my way and will see how much i'm worth, that i should be treated with the utmost respect, and that i am a girl that any guy would be more than lucky to have. (don't you love how she spoils me rotten??? :) :) :) ) not 5 minutes had passed, when miles got back from NH and i started smiling.

all i have to say is. . . not all guys are immature, jealous, and irresponsible with their lives. there are a few in my life that actually understand what it means to be yourself all the time and who actually admire the way i'm living my life despite the mistakes i've made in the past. :)

miss my family....... so much

i love new york, i really do. . . but today's my dad's birthday and what i want most is to be with him, even if there isn't really a celebration going on. don't ask me how old he's turning, b/c to be honest i don't know off the top of my head. in my family (might be a latin thing), it's always been rude to ask how old someone is. besides, most people lie anyway which i hate.

the point is... i'm seriously debating whether i can live away from my family. i know, i used to not be able to stand them. but like my friend said the other day, "welcome to maturity. you realize nobody will ever love you like your parents do."

i remember a time when i used to believe that i'd live with my parents till i got married, like my sister did. all of my friends told me that i was crazy and that i needed to live on my own and have my own rules, become independent, become an adult. well, i have and i've grown up a lot. that doesn't mean that i have to totally reject my family. besides, i have to admit that they are amazing to me. despite all the shit that i put them through my last months living at home and while i was living alone in baltimore, they have been incredibly understanding and patient with me. something that i did not return.

i love the city.... and i do enjoy having my own place, but i miss my parents too much. there's nothing like coming home to a warm, comforting place and feeling their love and joy surround me. the safety blanket. life isn't scary without them, but it sure is a hell of a lot better.

back to this horrible law review stuff. it will all be over soon, and then i can start planning when i'll see my parents again. :)

i can do this

i hate law review. i've been debating for almost 2 weeks, and now i'm sure that i want to do this. just gotta work like a madwoman now that the pressure is on. pressure is good for me. it makes me productive.

i derive strength from:
-Liz!!! Always count on a best friend to make you remember that you're loved and missed. :-D I can't believe it's been so long! (Beth is my best friend from Mercy that I've known since we were 12) Our talk last night was so wonderful. Thank you for making me happy. :)
-the joy of knowing that i've got such amazing family and friends. Today's my daddy's birthday. . . I wish that I could've been there to celebrate with him. :(
-Jaxie being done with her petition. Congrats babe!!! :) You finish things early and revise. I work at the last minute and hope for the best, lol.
-The Graduates of 2005....... so wonderful and I'm SO proud. It makes me look back to when I got my Masters and how amazing I felt. I also look forward to graduation from law school, when I will possibly be even more happy. I really can't wait for this degree to be over!
-my faith. i'm probably going to shower and get dressed now and go to 7:30am mass. i've been praying a lot to the Virgin Mary for protection and guidance and i need to give her a little thanks.

wish me luck, say a prayer, call me insane but this is who i am. :P

and jaxie, i totally do the song too...

ain't nobody gonna break my stride
nobody gonna hold me down
oh no
i've got to keep on movin'...

:) :) :) wow, this is me on no caffeine. i should be more fun later today!

horoscopes are weird

this is my horoscope for today:

"If anyone can attract a new lover, it's you. One glance, one witty comment or one meaningful gesture is all it will ever take, and you know it. The good news is that without really knowing you, they know it too, and they're still game. You may not think you're interested at the moment, thanks to recent circumstances, but if you give them half a chance, they'll prove you wrong. So give them a chance. Might be fun."

It's really weird because I was telling my mom last night how I'm not interested in anyone right now. . . and she told me that I should keep an open mind anyway. Now I don't really believe in horoscopes, but sometimes they're eerily on target. If only it would tell me who exactly this is talking about. The only guy that I saw today was my neighbor Wayne. . . weird, very weird, but man he's hot. :)

i need the market to improve

tonight i was having one of my 2-3 hour conversations with my best friend, and he told me about this theory that he and his friend matt came up with. basically, we are all in a relationship career.

with your regular career, you start out with real crappy jobs here and there that don't really work out for too long. you move on to better ones, where it's required that you have more experience and you start getting a better idea of what kind of career you want. you keep moving up the ladder and there comes a certain point where you just can't go back to those part time jobs. it's the exact same thing with relationships.

you start dating here and there with those stupid 2 week "relationships". you move on to those longer relationships where you know a little bit more about what's going on but you still end it (or get fired) because you figure out that it's not exactly the right fit. then you get to that relationship where you're really serious and you think that it could really be the end and that you've found it all. but you find out that something isn't quite right and that you just can't stand the situation (job) anymore b/c you're going insane. only now, you've had such a serious thing that you can't really go back to casual dating b/c it seems like such a waste.

that's where i am. every relationship got better and longer and the last one was the most serious. . . no regrets about it, especially since i learned an incredible amount about myself and what i want from life. the problem now is that i can't go to a crap relationship. the next guy i date has to have all of the qualities that my last boyfriends had (minus the bad ones, of course) and more. . .

it scares me to think that the next guy i date will probably be the man i marry. i'm probably jinxing myself, but it's pretty much true. i guess it's not so unusual considering a lot of people my age are getting married within a year or are getting engaged soon. i guess the thought of marriage isn't what bothers me, instead it's the fact that the job market sucks so bad and my standards are now set so damn high. monster.com is great but friendster.com is not where i'm picking out my next husband. :P

anybody got any suggestions on when the market should improve or where exactly to even find the market (and not the meat market, that's gross)? :)

half asleep to mad to confused

damn intellect of mine. i was really tired last night, but the only way i can fall asleep is that i have to read/watch tv/listen to music before going to bed. so i finished Sylvia Plath's The Bell Jar. it's so depressing, with all her talk about suicide and mental institutions. it started off with NY scenes though, and i did like that it made me think about marriage and love and the role of men and women. here's one passage that i found interesting:

"the best men wanted to be pure for their wives, and even if they weren't pure, they wanted to be the ones to teach their wives about sex. Of course they would try to persuade a girl to have sex and say they would marry her later, but as soon as she gave in, they would lose all respect for her and start saying that if she did that with them she would do that with other men and they would end up by making her life miserable."

i don't agree with the fact that men want to be pure. i'm of the "men are jerks until proven gentlemen" theory, but i do believe about the loss of respect (for the most part). it's what my mom always taught me, and it's so true in some situations, although i have to admit that sometimes a guy sleeping with a girl doesn't make him lose respect for her if they're in a serious relationship. it all depends on the circumstances. personally, i lose a whole lot of respect for a guy who wants to have sex with me when they know that i want to wait till i get married. i'm too old fashioned, i guess.

so anyway! i'm more awake now. the whole point of me writing was that i was pissed off b/c i ended up completely falling asleep around 2 or 3 (drunk girl and then drunk boys from my building kept coming back home). then this morning a little before 10, my super started knocking on my door. to be honest, i'm not sure what he wanted. he asked me if i had seen bugs and then said something about this guy who was standing next to him and all i could say was.... "no bugs, i'm sorry. i'm sick and i just woke up. what is it you need again?" he got the hint and said, "oh honey, i'm sorry. go back to bed sweetie, it's alright. we'll deal with it later."

i was pretty mad, but i don't stay mad long. besides, i'm just confused. why would i have bugs? i'm too clean to have bugs, even if this is NYC. when Noor used my bathroom, he told me that it was the cleanest shower and toilet that he had ever seen in his life. he was proud and so was i. my OCD cleaning makes me happy, haha. i guess it's easy to keep a place spotless when you clean everyday for 15 minutes. :P boo. guess now that my super woke me up i should shower and go out. stupid super. why would i need a guy for bugs? random saturday morning extermination??? *sigh* i want to go back to bed and my sweet dreams.

answers to your questions. . .

alright, it's killing you. i know it is. you want to know who all these boys are and which one of them i'm dating. you wonder if MH is Matt and if we're going to get back together. you keep asking yourself how many guys i've hooked up with since i've gotten to NY, how many times i've been drunk, and how many more guys i've met now that i'm living in possibly the coolest city in the world. you imagine all sorts of crazy stories of me doing stupid things while intoxicated or just b/c i'm spontaneous and unpredictable. well. . . here you go. here's the update on my life since last thursday.

last thursday night i went out to dinner at this little spanish restaurant in the village, where surprisingly enough. . . all the waiters were male. i found that quite interesting since, well, you would think that you'd have SOME waitresses. the sangria was delicious as was the paella and the pollo riojano that Jay got. it was fucking expensive, but ya know, sometimes you just have to get all sexified (as Aspen would say) and go out to a nice fancy dinner. it was good to see Jay, who is an old friend of mine from my days at GW. we actually were founding members of the Finance and Investment Club there. . . though it's a fact that i keep quite secret since i'm enough of a geek as it is. we actually might hang out again next weekend with Darin, which should be quite interesting. Darin and me in the same room, hahahahah. like i said, interesting. we shall see though, since Brian is also coming up and i promised him last friday that i'd be his date or whatever you want to call it. i love you brian. :) you made me retake a picture with you b/c we both agreed that i looked fat, lol.

ok, on to friday. i spent all day reading a book, The Secret Life of Bees by Sue Monk Kidd. it's a fantastically touching little novel. there are many quotes from it that i absolutely loved. it's basically about this little girl who grows up without her mother and ends up living in tiburon, SC with a family of black sisters. it has a little bit of love, some religious innuendo regarding the virgin mary, makes you see life through the eyes of a young girl who ends up learning so much about life and what it really is. children truly have a better grasp on things than adults do sometimes. it's an amazing thing.

i ended up going to a happy hour and having a beer with a friend, then i went to a dinner with some other friends, then to a party downtown. :) some drama went down, which i actually can't talk about but it definitely involved a boy and it could've been very very very bad. it's a good thing i hate that bs b/c it would've been so easy to start some trouble. i ended up talking to dave (another GW kid from my past) most of the night, who kept buying me drinks. i can't say that i minded it. i'm usually all about buying my own stuff when i'm out just b/c i don't like to mooch off of people since it makes me feel bad. the thing is, when a guy tells me that he's buying my drinks for the night and i've just realized that i'm not in my bar and $20 would not buy me the same as it would at Sliders, i can't say no. i mean... no job... no money... and it was my weekend of partying. i don't remember what time i got home, but i think it must've been a little bit before 4 since there were a few drunken text messages to D in baltimore, Z in VA and RW in DC. boys all over the place, haha.

saturday.... ahhhhh, saturday. i woke up without a hangover which was absolutely awesome. made some delicious lunch, and was off to another party. this time it was a wine party at the meridien. i loooooooooove wine and i loooooooooove being drunk by 6pm on a day that the sun is shining and the weather is just so perfect. i'm so glad i have kev to invite me to these things. i'm a lucky girl to be in touch with so many traveling folks with good connections. you guys rock for hooking me up with what's going on. :) we ended up going to see Star Wars. . . i was seeing it for the second time. oh yeah, i forgot. i saw star wars thurs morning with jaxie, dan, and friends. the first time i saw it, i was stupefied and also furious that the sound was awful. (dan and i ended up getting free movie passes) the second time, i passed out for a bit but then was able to enjoy it. i was supposed to hang out downtown after the movie since it was only a bit before midnight, but i called it a night and went hooooooooome.

sunday i started feeling kinda crappy, and yet i had the appetite of a giant. i went out to a brunch near the river with some people and ate ridiculous amounts of food. omelette, salad, salmon, shrimp, ham, and a waffle. i was so ready to puke by the end of it, but i needed the waffle so bad.... i looooooooove waffles with whipped cream and strawberries, yum. i ended up just sitting by myself and reading by the water for a while to settle my stomach. then i did the touristy thing and walked. when i got home, i passed out for 4 hours and missed mass. boo :( I really hate missing mass. i also ended up passing up 2 parties that were going on... one was drinking and one was family guy (although they didn't realize there was NO family guy on sunday... silly boys). it worked out though b/c i just passed out early and the sickness was starting.

mon-thurs are boring as hell. mostly i read, felt sick, started classes, met a few more people at fordham. or actual students, i should say. congrats to my buddy jose for graduating last weekend!! :) i watched a lot of tv, did a lot of sleeping, and had time to do a lot of talking to my mom which is a great thing.

so that brings us to last night. it was wonderful!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! so everyone keeps asking me who the hell MH is. a lot of you think it's Matt, since you don't know that his initials are MS. why don't i use MH's name? i dunno. i guess i just figure that my close friends need to know his name, and they already do. so now MH revealed. . . his name is Miles. :) love the kid to death. we've known each other since prob freshman year of college but we were both too shy to ever say that we should hang out. how stupid of us b/c we actually know a few people in common, and we get along great! we haven't seen each other in a couple of years but we started talking again and he was coming up to nyc just for last night and today. so, he and his friend Noor came over and we watched family guy and talked most of the night. it was absolutely great. then today we went out to lunch with another GW kid, Rich and his coworker. (Claudia, can I tell you how much I was freaking out that it would be OUR rich? especially since I think these guys were friends with Ben Cohen... was that our Ben??) Miles is an absolute sweetheart. He went to San Fran 2 weeks ago or so, and he brought me back a box of chocolates and a painting. Now he's off in NH and I'm so bummed that he's gone but so it goes. He'll be back to visit for longer this summer and I may be down in DC sometime in June. We also have plans to hang out in baltimore and who knows how many other more cities. I have a feeling that he's going to be my traveling buddy. :) :)

(by the way, Noor is totally awesome. he'd kick your ass in a second but he is also a complete gentleman. his parents raised him extremely well and i'm glad that i've gained another friend from this experience)

So after my goodbye kisses from the boys, I walked back through central park and saw my favorite part of it... the bethesda fountain. i also walked through strawberry fields for a bit, which was kind of scary b/c there was an assault at gunpoint right around there on wed afternoon, i believe. of course that was a crappy day and the park was pretty much deserted (from what i heard) and there is some more safety in numbers. don't worry kids, i'm taking care of myself and being smart about where i go and when. no alleys, no dark corners, no late hours. i enjoy reading in the sun so much, but i definitely have to buy some suntan lotion. i love getting color but cancer is just something that i'm not a big fan of. besides, my skin is too pretty to ruin. :P

so......... here's the deal:

ALWAYS remember: 1) i've never made up boys and i never will. i tell my mom everything, and i don't think she would appreciate it if i gave her fictitious characters. she already scolds me with, "Kattrina, I can't keep track of all the people in your life." 2) please don't ask me about matt ever again. he's been off my buddy list for quite a while. i will never call him (especially since i deleted all of his numbers before he was off my buddy list, lol) nor do i have any intentions whatsoever of seeing him. and if we ever cross paths. . . well, i promise that it will be the first thing on my away message, lol. and no, i don't put stuff up to make him jealous, make him wonder, etc. . . I'm not the kind of person that puts up away messages to hurt other people. I think that's immature and assanine. . .just not my style. I know a guy who did that to me and he lost my friendship and respect a long time ago. I have better things to do than to go around bashing people on my away message or sending hidden messages. Honesty is best, and if I have something to say then I'll say it to that person's face, not in an away message. (sorry for the rant, but i'm bitter about this former friend. i don't like losing friends, even if it is for the better) 3) i have STILL not hooked up with any guys nor will i be hooking up with ANYONE. i was never a slut and never needed to make out with guys to have fun. yeah, i'm a tease and i definitely know more guys than i need in my life but who the hell cares? i'm always having fun and nobody can ever say a bad word about me b/c you won't ever see a guy touch me inappropriately. call me a prude if you want, but honey, i don't have any STDs and nobody can take that away from me. :P 4) i'm not here to party and i'm not here to meet guys. i came to NY to get away from everything i've ever known, to explore the city, to take a summer off and ENJOY LIFE. yeah, i have some ties to NY but like i've said so many times, i didn't come for matt like a lot of people believe, i came for the experience of NYC. the friends that i have in the city are mostly management consultants, journalists, or financial analysts which means that they travel a lot and i barely see them. i'm really perfectly fine just hanging out in a park all day. i enjoy reading, and i've needed a break from my always fast paced life since i started the game at 17. i'm too young to burn out.... be it from overworking myself or overpartying. i'm also too smart to waste my youth damaging my body by not sleeping, drinking too much, and doing god knows what else. i'm going to take care of myself b/c someday i'm going to share my life with another person and with my kids (hopefully) and i want to have the peace of mind that i did everything to keep myself healthy. 5) i don't need more people in my life. seriously, do you think that the guy that i want to marry will come up to me at a bar in NYC? hell no. i don't need an alcoholic as a husband, thank you very much. let's pray that God helps me with that. :) i'm very happy with my friends and they are all i need... along with my incredible family.

OK!!!!!!!! wasted soooo much time writing this but there's pretty much everything you wanted to know. and yes... i definitely left out some boys that i've mentioned in away messages. they just weren't as involved in the last week, but i'm sure you'll hear about them eventually. :P

It's been a while

Alright my loyal readers. I'm back. :)

Things have been incredibly crazy since last Thursday. I can't really believe everything that has happened.... so. . . since I'm short on time, I thought I would share a few quiz results with you that I found amusing.

What movie hero are you?




Alright... so I'm definitely not dumb. That's for sure, especially b/c of the next quiz. But quiet and shy? Umm, maybe when someone first meets me? And porn... NOOOOOO. I've never even watched a porn movie in my life!!! Obviously, these quizzes aren't totally right. :P

What Simpsons character are you?



LOL... I have no inclination for music. The only instrument I play is the organ, and only b/c I taught myself. Yeah, funny how my bro and sis both got lessons but I had to figure it out on my own. Well, I guess that sort of means I'm musically inclined b/c I'm not so bad at the thing.

What Star Wars character are you?



Hahahaha...... little I am NOT! Last time I went to the doctor, they told me I was 5'11 and 3/4. Yup, as if the 3/4 mattered to me? Why don't you just tell me I'm a 6 foot freak? Stupid doctors. I hate them, hate them so much... and drugs. They suck. I'm glad I'm not sick anymore.

Conclusion:

I'm a smart, witty, "wicked" talented, religious, kick-ass rebel/teacher/best friend searching for the truth and believing in things like the force.

Sounds about right, especially after this summer of self-analysis and returning to being myself, completely. :-P

It hit me!!!!! It FINALLY hit me!!!

OH MY GOD. . . I'M LIVING IN NEW YORK CITY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
And what made it click was. . . . drum roll please..............

My Fordham student ID!!! :P

You might be thinking like this:

Dcguy: You mean to tell me that you went to central park, went and saw 5th ave, saw the sky scrapers and only NOW it's hitting you that you're in nyc, once you got a student ID????

The look i'm giving you right now is the same as if you told me you were a man and have three testicles.

So here's the thing. I've been in NY since Saturday but mostly cooped up in my apartment and trying to get settled in. Yesterday was really the first day that I ventured out, and even then it was only to Central Park. Do you realize how many times I've been to Central Park now on my various trips to the city???? So yesterday was just another touristy day at the park.

Today, however. . . today was an absolutely wonderful and beautiful day. I was up by 8 but just lay in bed till 9. Got up, showered, dressed, ate breakfast (I'm doing this whole new thing called eating cereal with milk and OJ in the morning). Then I headed out on my daily walk in the direction of Fordham. Stopped by the Time Warner Center at Columbus Circle for some lunch and then was off to my new law school's registrar. As soon I saw the sign "Fordham University School of Law," I got this rush. It's one thing to just see it, but to know that this will be where I'll be studying is just mind blowing. I was kind of nervous and unsure about being in a new environment but then I went to the other building and got my school ID with a horrible, horrible picture (though at least in this one I don't look like I'm having a heart attack) and then I was at peace. I have a permanent tie to the city now. I'm really taking classes here and living here and oh my god.... wow. I must enjoy it now!!! And enjoy it, I did!

I went to Columbus Circle and sat on the fountain for a few hours while reading the first of 25 books that I so ambitiously hope to read from here until the end of the summer. Don't laugh!!! I'll be done with this 1000 pager in no time! LOL. :) After a while I moved over to the other side of the fountain to see some guys doing a show, at which point random scary black guy (sorry to stereotype) came over to tell me that I was beautiful and to ask if I was enjoying the show. Needless to say, I did not respond as I was alone. It really bothered me that the guy to my left did nothing although I looked at him several times with a beckoning look to help and intervene. He was also black. . . and I figured he could get the scary guy off my back. Instead, random stalker began to harass me and say that the black man was the salt of the earth. I wanted to yell at him and tell him that I was Colombian and so technically some of my ancestors were as black as his damn family, but I thought better of it and just walked away. (while in my head I spit at his feet for disrespecting me) I hate that uneasy feeling that something bad is going to happen, so I kept checking behind my shoulder to see if he was following me, if there were any people with him, or if he could see where I was headed. Then I realized I was safe and on 57th street. . .

Oh the shops!!! So many places to shop. . . and no money to spend. Well, I do have enough money to spend, but I promised myself that I would not spend a dime on shopping unless my mom comes up to visit or my sister. Another thing I promised myself today, MUST take mom to the Lladro store. Sooooooooo beautiful in there. I'm a sucker for porcelains. Ever want to buy me a present? Get me either a Lladro or Chanel perfume, number 5. . . oh and Maison du chocolat... oh Maison.... I've been totally staying away from it because I spend too much money there. Minimum $25-$30, every single time. Alas, I digress!!! I went to the Verizon store to see if I could get a new phone, but they couldn't help me since I don't have a NY phone number, yet... seriously thinking of getting one since I don't plan on getting a land line.

So back on 5th Ave I went and to my next addiction. . . I love the corner of 60th St and 5th Ave for 2 reasons. 1) the used book stand and 2) the view from the bench right there is awesome. I saw some celebrity getting off one of the horse carriages. I don't know her name, and I can't remember what she's been in, but she looked so fake b/c of all the plastic surgery that it disgusted me to ask who she was. Otherwise, I would've approached her b/c I'm shameless like that. :P So..... as if I don't have enough to read, I got Sylvia Plath's The Bell Jar as well as Sue Monk Kidd's The Secret Life of Bees. The former I bought in honor of my best friend Laura who loves the book. (I've never read it nor had I heard of it until a few years ago, to be honest) The latter I got because it was given to my ex-boyfriend's younger sister for her b-day last year. So, I researched it and it seems like the kind of sappy, girly best-seller kind of book that I would enjoy for nothing but mindless entertainment. Maybe I'll be surprised and find something more to it.

So on with my journey I continued. . and who do I run into? (Only the first week in NY and already I'm running into people. I knew it was bound to happen) Well. . . it's NY beer pong guy 1 from Pickles. I don't know his name b/c I didn't really meet him, I just played against him and knew that he and his buddy were from NY. They were such arrogant pricks thinking that they'd beat me and Brian. They didn't like it much when we beat them twice. Anyway, beer pong guy and I both looked at each other with that "I know you but I can't place you and I'm not going to approach you" look and kept walking. Then it hit me and I just smiled because I couldn't believe that I was seeing someone that I'd met in baltimore here in NYC. Not like I'd ever talk to him again, but still. . . small world.

Finally made it to the Guggenheim and started walking back to my apartment. . . I really love that walk because I get to pass by Madison Ave and Lexington Ave and there are so many cute stores. Not for shopping but just that I like to see because it makes me realize I'm in the fashion capital of the United States and that' s pretty cool. :) Was home for all of 15 minutes, just enough to eat my apple (yeah.... i'm trying out the eat fruits and vegetables thing too) and out I went to Gracie's mansion! Sat there for a good couple of hours and read some more, as I listened to the live music coming from the event being hosted at the mayor's house. Pretty corny, but I like listening to something as I read and/or write.

Came home, changed, and went out to a late dinner just like a New Yorker would. Usually I'd be worried about going out b/c I miss my shows, but DVR is the best invention ever. When I got back from my little rendez-vous I was able to watch all of my shows in their entirety. . AND I get to fast forward through commercials.

SO!!! Here I am, after such an eventful day, and I'm totally hyper and energetic. Although that is probably a result of the Grande Mocha Frap Affogato style with whipped cream that I ordered today. Yeah, they had a bit of trouble saying that.

Oh!!! And I forgot the funniest part of all. My mom pissed me off this morning, so I told her that she shouldn't expect me to call every 2 hours. So what did I do? I called her from every single place that I stopped, which was about every 2 hours. :P I wasn't even thinking about it. She's just the first person I think to call when anything happens. We actually had a really long convo about my dad's parents and how hard my dad had it and marriage and what kind of wife and mother I'm going to be and all sorts of things!!! I really do love her and my dad. I'm not sure that I apologized to them for being such a horrible daughter for a while. Too bad they're sleeping now, but I'll be sure to do it in the morning.

AHHHHHHHHHH............... I'm in New York. :) Today was the start of my true enjoyment of the city. I'm not letting a single moment go to waste from now on. An old manager of mine told me today that I'd be able to party it up all summer, but to be honest, I've already seen enough bars in this city and I have no desire of seeing more.

Tomorrow I'm not sure what I'm doing or where I'll be. Wait, I'm lying.... dinner with an old finance geek!!!!! He used to be cool, when he was gonna be a rock star, but now he's a boring Financial Analyst of some sort who has mad macro writing skills in VB. Mmm hmm... you know who told him that he should pay attention to that? That's right, me! Me and JD in New York City having dinner. . . we've come a long way from being founding members of the FIC. Wow...it's going to be an intense conversational dinner, only for a change I'm going to be insanely happy and won't join in his depressing cynicism. Thank God, that "life is horrible and nothing ever works out" crap kind of mood definitely annoys me after a while.

Time for sleep. . . or more reading, lol. :) WAY TOO FUCKING HAPPY AND FEELING SO BLESSED!!!!!

Deja vue, but not

On Sunday, my parents and I went to church together. My mom walks really slowly and I had to dry my hair so I told them to go ahead. As soon as I rounded the corner to meet them at mass, I saw a park that I recognized instantly and the steps to the first church which I ever entered with Matt. . . almost precisely a year ago!!! I guess it's not so strange considering I'm living about 2 blocks away from where he and Alan used to be, but this is what was weird about the whole thing.

Saturday night when I was going to bed, I was remembering the last time that I came up to NY with my parents. It was Mother's day weekend last year, May 7th-9th. I was such a bitch to them, showing little to no respect. I feel awful about it now, though I didn't realize anything wrong with it then. See, that weekend I spent all of maybe 3 hours with my parents because the rest of the time I was with my boyfriend. That Sunday morning I got back to the hotel at 5am to my dad waiting up for me asking if I wanted some coffee and my mom yelling at me for being so inconsiderate.

I was so in love and so happy that I was oblivious to how I was really treating my parents and only thought that they were being unreasonable for bitching at me. So this Saturday night, I was thinking about how I would never do that to them again. I actually had plans to go out in the city, but I passed them up because I couldn't take the thought of leaving my parents alone. . . even if they were sleeping. I may be 23, and I have every right to go out and do what I want, but I also have learned that I need to show my parents the same kind of respect and love that they have given me. . . which actually has been much greater in the past months than ever.

So it's now funny to me think about how much I've "changed" in the last year. The reason I say it like that is that I haven't really changed. My mom made me cry today because of what she said, and it describes what I saw this weekend in myself.

"Your dad adores you, Kattrina. Today he told me that every single time you said thank you this weekend, he saw in your eyes the sweet little girl that used to sit on his lap. He couldn't understand what happened to you last year and why you were acting so strange. So I told him that you were just going through a phase, but that you're still the good, sweet Kattrina that we love. I think he really saw that in you this weekend. I'm really proud of you for being yourself again, but I'm also glad that you got that other stuff out of your system."

I'm happy too, mom, really happy. I love you very very much. . . and my dad too.

I'm here!!!!!!!!!

It hasn't hit me yet, not really. I'm in bed in my apartment in NYC. . . maybe the shock factor hasn't settled in because my parents are sleeping on the futon next to mine or because I still haven't finished setting up. The fact that I drove a total of about 6 hours today around Potomac, Baltimore, and then to NY in addition to packing, moving, running to school to return some books, unpacking, and building furniture might also have a little something to do with it. :)

I'm sure I'll be more excited tomorrow or else bummed because my parents will have to leave me all alone. On the other hand, I've got plans to hang out with Shecky who I haven't seen since April! Well, I guess that's not too long, but still exciting!

After that, I'm really looking forward to being in the city alone with my thoughts. I've needed this break from everyone and everything for a long time and it's going to be quite the experience.

Don't worry though! I promise to be safe and sound. My mom is really freaked out b/c I'm in this big city and I shouldn't walk around by myself, which she's right about, but I shall be good. No sense in worrying her to death any more than she already is. It's a big deal to leave her baby girl all alone in a dirty place with nobody to defend her. At least she knows that I'm not going to do anything to jeopardize my health, safety, or wellbeing. It's that whole respect thing I keep mentioning. . . More on that tomorrow or later in the week!!!!

Really must go to bed. Tomorrow I'm taking my parents to my favorite church, treating them to lunch at a really good restaurant in midtown, then to some yummy Maison du Chocolat that I've brought home to them before. Also have to find some time to buy some knick-knacks for them to take home to the kids, my bro, my sis, and my bro-in-law. . . Man oh man, it sucks not to have a job, but thank God for tax refunds!!!!!!! :-D Nighty night. O:-)

Ps-Thank you to those of you who welcomed me to the city and to those of you who called to see how the packing was going. I love knowing that I have good friends who are considerate enough to check up on me. . . and who buy me gifts for me on their trips :P SOOOOO sweet!

Changes

Today is the birthday of 2 of my DC friends. Happy birthday boys!!! Both of you always tell me the blatant truth about things when I don't want to hear it, and although it takes me a while to follow your advice, I always do! Thank you for always loving me like a little sister and listening to me through every single emotion possible from buoyant love to manic depression to crazy drunken ranting and raving. :-P

Wow. . . . I can tell you exactly where I was a year ago and what I was thinking so here goes: life on May 13th, 2004.

I was working at GW and still living at home. I had to see my 2 b-day boys so I had decided to go out but not for long, since I had a 9am meeting in the morning. I was wearing (yes, I remember exactly what it was) a long jean skirt with a slit in the front that goes up to about my knees along with a light pink rose tank top under a bright pink striped Polo short sleeved shirt. I went to the lounge at Sofitel to meet up with snobby lawyers and annoyingly stuck up law clerks. I finally convinced b-day boy 1 to ditch the losers and head to Capitol Hill so we could start the night off right.

Jagermeister shots it was. All I remember was drinking beer out of a pitcher after that. This is what happens when you give me jager and I haven't eaten much all day. There was some pool playing, lots of singing and dancing, some huge dude who wanted to kill us because we were interrupting his basketball game viewing by screaming the lyrics to Pour some sugar on me, W and D hooking up (eww!!!!!), weird guy with 4 different cigarette brands from all over the world, and the following conversation that kept creeping up:

"Matt is going to kill me. He's going to kill me. I shouldn't be out drinking and having fun on a Thursday night. I swear, he's going to kill me."
"Break up with him. A guy who doesn't let you have fun isn't worth having around."
"But I love the kid. He's just trying to make sure that I do the right thing and that I live my life how I really am. I love him like family, and I know they wouldn't approve."
"He's not your dad."
"Hmm. Good point. Another drink then?"

By 11, I had to run out of the bar and head over from Capitol Hill to Dupont Circle for b-day boy 2. As soon as I walked into the club and saw his group of friends, I ordered about $60 worth of drinks for all of us including a buttery nipple and sex on the beach... my drinks of choice when I'm with my permanent. I was supposed to leave at midnight so that I could make it to the metro. . . of course the next thing I realized was that I was looking at my watch on the other side of the toilet and seeing that it was about 1:15am. When I looked up at my friend, I asked her if I could spent the night at her place. So the night ended with us having a 4 hour conversation consisting of her telling me that I should break up with Matt coupled with uncomfortable moments of staring each other face to face. . . I still think she wanted to kiss me, but she never did, thank God!

It was just a crazy, crazy night with lots more details that I shouldn't mention. The worst part was that Friday morning. I showed up to my meeting in a tank top and the same skirt, but with the slit in the back. Then my boss came down to my cubicle and picked up my wet Polo shirt that I had washed the night before. His comment, "I won't ask you about last night" How embarassing.

So that was me a year ago. . . as Laura put it in my friendster profile: She's glamorous, salaried and "In a Relationship."

HAHAHAHA..... how things change. I'm sitting at home in Potomac on a Friday night, wearing sweatpants and a t-shirt. I have no job, and by no means can you call me glamorous anymore. I wear crap jewelry b/c I'm in Baltimore and my wardrobe consists of jeans, t-shirts, and sweatshirts. Now I'm single, in law school, and wait for it. . . I'm going to be living in New York City!!!! The biggest and best changes are the ones of me as a person. No more smoking, no more excessive drinking (except for last day of classes or maybe a best friend's birthday), incredible relationship with my parents and the rest of my family, and I'm happy with who I am and what I'm doing.

:) Tomorrow I'm going to a new city and starting a new chapter in my life. I did that when I went to Baltimore, but the difference is that this time I'm going to build on who I am instead of throwing everything I know out the window. I like the person that I've become over the years and as long as I go to sleep every night happy with myself then I can wake up in the morning to start another wonderful day. :)

Really looking forward to a summer of reading, exploring the city, and really taking time off to evaluate my whole life. Not many people get this chance to get away from everyone and everything they know. There's no way in hell that I'm going to waste this opportunity. :)

Gnight kids. . . this little girl has a long summer ahead of her so she better rest up!!!!

It's almost over

So I'm about to go to bed after a long night of studying on my own and with Jaxie. I had a really good conversation with my mom tonight and when I told her how happy I was, she told me that she knew. Of course she knows, she's my mom. She knows me better now than ever.

It reminded me of an IM convo that my dad and I had a few months ago. . . when this semester started. Here it is:

We'll always be here to support your decisions. You're a very smart
young girl with good principles and always thinking of helping out your family and friends. That is why God is so good to you. If you're
scared, trust in us. Every beginning is difficult. YOU ARE VERY
SMART, A FIGHTER, AND YOU ARE GREAT AT OVERCOMING CHALLENGES. Those of us who know you well know that you can do this. Keep going, honey, you can do it.

. . . . that was on February 22nd of this year. Those old parents of mine sure do know a thing or two.

I love my dad with all my heart, and my mom too. Without them and without you, my friends who have encouraged me and supported me through all the crap that is law school and life, it would have been an even rougher ride.

It's time for bed. In a few hours I'll finish my last exam, and as soon as I do, I'm calling my parents to say thank you. Might stop by church, too. My dad's right. God is always filling my life with incredible blessings.

So much love, so much to be thankful for in this life.

I'm in love? Yeah, definitely in love

Dcguy: you're in love by the way
Dcguy: i can tell
Dcguy: or
Me: i'm in love?
Me: no i'm not
Dcguy: you like this guy a lot
Dcguy: am i right?
Me: who are you talking about?
Me: i'm not dating anyone, lol
Dcguy: in nyc. the u2 guy
Me: HAHAHAHAH
Me: no way
Dcguy: i've seen u in love, you bouyantly in love
Dcguy: DUDE
Dcguy: MARRY HIM
Me: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAH
Dcguy: AND GET ME YANKEE TICKETS
Dcguy: do me that favor
Dcguy: you can divorce him, once i have my season tickets
Dcguy: do I ask for favors?
Dcguy: no
Dcguy: JUST THIS ONCE PULEEEEEZE?
Me: lol
Me: i plan on marrying once and only once
Dcguy: me too
Me: he IS catholic, and very nice, and a new yorker who is sick of the
city
Me: mature, respectful, older guy
Me: we'll see what happens
Dcguy: um.....marry him

I'm not in love. I'm not dating. I'm not getting married anytime soon. What else? Oh yeah. . . I'm not talking to ANY of my ex-boyfriends or guys from the past so stop asking me how things are with them, lol. I still get a few random IMs and a phone call here and there from some of them, but it's nothing worth mentioning.

I've had a lot of conversations lately on love, relationships, the difference between male/female communication, and the lack of respect in this world for ourselves, for others, and for relationships, especially marriage itself. I have so much to say on the subject!!! I'm by no means an expert, but I've got this theory that ties everything together and it's pretty straightforward. I'm sure it'll come to no surprise to anyone, but the thing with these subjects is that people don't say what they think.

Right now I have to go prepare for my BBC exam since I'm pulling a college deja vu and waited until the very last minute to study. Silly Kattrina.

The good news is that I'll have all summer to write and reflect and talk to my friends in the city, when they're not working of course! So I promise I'll get back to the subject, just don't let me forget. :)

And seriously. . . I'm happy to be on my own again. It's how it should be, and when it's time to share my life with someone that gets it, then it'll happen. For now, I'm in love. . . with just life. :-P (Wow. . . Lau, remember when Lis used to say that I was high on life? I think it's back.)

Grades

Law school kids are the biggest geeks ever. . . and I come from the Techie world so you know that's saying a lot.

Exams aren't over yet, not for all of us anyway!!!! and already people are talking about grades. Last night at Pickles a few people were talking about their LAWR distribution. You're at a bar, and you're talking about how badly you did in a class. Ok, so we have nothing else to talk about because we're in school 24-7, but couldn't we at least try to change the subject? You know that grades are only going to make you feel bad in the end, and it's all so unpredictable. Case in point:

My LAWR grades for this semester were: 9/10, 12/15, 13/15, 37/40. You would assume that I'll pull off an A or an A-, but you're wrong. I could get a C if other people did better than I did, just as easily as I could still get that A. In law school, your individual efforts mean nothing. It's only how you stack up to the rest of the kids in the class. Wonderful curve. . . which only serves to create this nasty competitive spirit in everyone. It really is awful. Some people annoy the hell out of me.

What did you get? Did you check your grade yet? Are you going to look now? Why don't you look?

I did alright. Well, better than ok, but not great. Wait, what is great?
Well then I guess I did really well.

You got a [insert "bad" grade here]? Oh, that sucks. I thought I was going to get that
but I did better. It's alright though, you'll be fine. (While in their head they're going... yes!! I got a higher grade than they did! Hypocrites.)

I came into law school wanting to get the best grades possible. When I got here, I hated it with a passion and didn't have the moral support or strength in me to keep going so I just gave up. I didn't study and spent all my time on other things, some better than others. In not caring about grades, I learned a lot more about other aspects of life than most people in their first year of law school and for that I am so thankful.

This semester has been different though. I was actually dedicated to studying and worked my ass off (in my own way). 14 hour days at school, even when exams weren't even close. I even studied in the library!!!! I'm proud of the work that I did because I learned something. Well, if you don't count Business. That class was a joke and it pissed me off. I guess because I didn't get anything out of it.

Which brings me back to one of the things that I love to do in life: learn (possibly why my bro thinks I'll be the eternal student with 6 professional degrees). First semester I can't say that I learned much about the law but I learned about myself as a person. Now this semester, I've got an incredible amount of knowledge about the subjects that I studied in class and an even better grasp on myself and who I am. I couldn't be more glad about that.

As for my whole policy on grades. . . Once I leave an exam, it's over. People try to measure their success with a grade, but I like to be satisfied personally with my performance. I won't lie, it'd be awesome to get stellar grades, but it's not the most important thing in my life. And I won't torture myself by getting a grade one class at a time. All that does is make me worry about the next grade and wonder if maybe I did better or not. Instead, come June (or whenever grades are all posted and I know someone will let me know), I'll open up my UMDLaw or whatever that website is where we get our grades, look at how I did this semester and take it all in. It may be good, it may be bad, but I'm happy with myself and someone else's opinion on my performance isn't going to bring me down.

My life isn't measured in grades; I want happiness and right now I have that. It's all that matters in the long run.

One exam to go tomorrow and then I'm done!!!! :) And then. . . you know it. NYC!!!

The Weekend

I'm tired. Very, very tired and I still have 2 exams to go.

This weekend was totally random. It all feels like a dream, really. I can't tell if it's the cold drugs, the post-insomnia lunacy, the exam period-related delusions, or my own craziness. Probably a combination of all of the above.

Friday was the Con Law exam. I got raped, badly. I hated Social Studies in grade school and was so glad to stop learning it. The first thing I researched in high school was the History requirement. 3 years and it'd be over. Yeah, right. Here I am in 2005 with another "history" class over when I had thought that it'd all ended in 1998. Bastard law. Seriously though, Con Law II will be the last gov't/history related class EVER!!!! As long as I managed to pass that exam on Friday. Ugh.

So after Con Law was Sliders for lunch. I really love that place. I never spend more than $10 regardless of how long I'm there. What's better is that they even give ME money, lol. It's wonderful. On Friday the owner gave me $10 to put in the jukebox and told me to pick whatever I wanted. He thinks I have good taste in music. :-D And stop thinking bad thoughts!!!!!! He may think I'm hot, but he already has a girlfriend so he's not hitting on me. Well, maybe he is, but he's not getting anything from me. :-P

So the rest of the weekend was just, well. . . I don't feel like going into details but here are the highlights:

Friday
-I won a game of pool!!! Finally, lol. I suck at it so bad.
-The real estate lawyer friend of ours (whose name I can't remember, of course) bought us Rumplemints shots
-I got introduced to Charlie, NY lawyer for the MLB who graduated from St. John's School of Law, knows Gibson, and who is practically going to be my neighbor in NY!!! :-D
-I was almost on TV
-D gave me $50, since I didn't have enough money for a cab ride
-Kenny, the bartender at Howl at the Moon, asked me to please start drinking again. I said no, so then he asked me if him singing to me personally would help. God his voice is incredible. . . sounds just like Marvin Gaye. . . but I still refused to drink
-Came home to find my roomie's friend praying in my living room, to which D responded "What the hell is that?" She's praying, leave her alone. Haven't you ever seen a muslim before? "No! I'm too drunk to understand this." Go to sleep. You won't remember anything in the morning.
-Got "busted" by the cops around 3am while hanging out with Matt and Maurice from the med school with my roomie and her friend till 5am. I think they were more shocked than we were though. Imagine getting a complaint that the people in X apartment are being too loud and you think they're having a party. You round up FOUR officers expecting to bust this wild out of control party where you'll find drunk people and pot smokers (we are in the Suites, after all) and who knows what else. Instead, you have 5 people watching tv, eating pizza, and drinking water and soda. Stupid idiots. I hate cops and their incompetence. You would think that they could at least write down the right apartment number when receiving a complaint about a party.

Saturday
-Got woken up at 6:30 and then couldn't fall asleep so I started reading and that knocked me right out till 11
-My roomie made me breakfast! :) She's such a sweetie
-I got an e-mail from a girl that was in my class in the first grade. I don't remember her at all, but she remembers me!!! So weird to think that I might be going to Costa Rica sometime in the next year to visit my best friend from kindergarten who's now a celloist for the National symphony and this girl Ana who I don't even remember!
-O's game. . . what a trip. I was supposed to meet my parents at Sliders but they were late arriving, as usual. So I went by myself and Eric gave me lunch for free. Then I found my parents and my nephew and sat down. . . the seats were AMAZING. I'm the luckiest girl in the world. I've had front row seats at an Olympic soccer game, 20 yd line front row tix to a Skins game, window seats at a Caps game, and now box tix to an O's game right behind the dugout. The only ones I've paid for were the hockey tickets, the rest were all given to me. Although, I did pay about $500 for those so it all works out. :-P
-Fell asleep in the car on the way home, then passed out around 10. . .

Sunday:
-Slept in till noon
-Lunch with the family for Mother's day. I was scared of running into someone at the mall, and of course. . . I did in a way. The waiter kept looking at us weird and I had a strange feeling that he spoke spanish and that maybe I'd seen him somewhere before even though he didn't really look familiar. At one point, he came by and asked if we all spoke spanish. We then found out that he was from Costa Rica, and that he had lived in Heredia. When my dad said, oh, that's where the President lived. . . the kid says, Oh yeah, my dad is really good friends with Oscar. Someone else who calls him by his first name!!!! We couldn't believe it. I'm convinced that I probably met this kid when we were in Costa Rica. I'm sure that I'll run into him again.


Alright, so that's it. That's my exciting weekend. People tell me I have an interesting life. I don't think so, but I do have to say that it's weird. This needs to stop, and moving to NY will mean that I'll have less amusing stories to tell. :-P

Oh yeah. . . on another note. Being sick sucks big fat donkey balls. Hopefully this cold/exhaustion from not sleeping all week will subside a bit tomorrow and be gone by my exam on tuesday.

Welcome to my life

Dcguy : yeah. im kinda happy we will be in the same city, FINALLY
Me: no shit man!
Dcguy : when we have time, i like hanging out with you dude
Dcguy : there is no bs with you
Dcguy : i respect that
Me: :-)
Dcguy : yeah word.
Me: i'm even more genuine now. i'm myself completely
Dcguy : yeah without.....what's his name around
Dcguy : um whoops
Dcguy : did I say that?
Me: HAHAHAAHAH
Dcguy : by the way, i've stopped drinking, seriously
Me: awesome!!!! i'm proud of you
Dcguy : i had a BIG realization last night
Dcguy : weird...it just clicked. did that happen to you?
Me: yup :-)
Dcguy : all of a sudden.........and i'm saying i'm going to stop completely
Dcguy : but last night
Dcguy : after your comment
Me: it's a big fucking truck that hits you all of a sudden, and you realize you can just stop. it's all in your control
Dcguy : i realized.....i dont want to be partying and drunk all the time
Dcguy : all of a sudden........like just today and last night, i know why i've been avoiding my friends lately
Dcguy : because they get drunk, and after this past sat and at the stupid party, i didn't enjoy myself at any of the last 3 parties
Dcguy : in the last three weeks
Dcguy : so, ive been cutting my drinking 75% in the last week
Dcguy : damn you for being the voice of reason, yoda
Dcguy : you're 23!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Dcguy : grow DOWN!
Dcguy : lol
Me: hahaha
Me: :-D
Me: welcome to my life

Kissing and smoking and drinking, oh my (insanely long)

Today I put this conversation up in my away message between me and a friend of mine who shall remain nameless. :)

Anon: i am extremely sexually frustrated
right now. on top of the stress...i am going
insane :p

Me: lol, you're talking to a girl who hasn't
had any nookie and gave up both smoking and drinking

Anon: wow. you have it
worse.

I got a lot of feedback on this one, and now it's starting to make sense as to why people are so confused about my "sudden angelic conversion". Most of you don't know me!!! LOL. :) So here's a little explanation on things.

Boys:
Jen said today, "You have too many guys. I can't keep track of them."

Alright, so I know a lot of boys. This should come as no surprise. I've been like this since college, and it's not going to change anytime soon. I don't particularly like hanging around girls because they can be bitchy and fake and they like all the girly crap that I detest. (make up, gossip, shopping, celebrity news, etc...) So, I hang out with boys who will tell you the truth up front, and for the most part just want to sleep with you if you're a girl. Don't lie. Everyone knows it.

The thing that people are most shocked with, though, is the fact that there are so many guys and yet I haven't dated or kissed any of them. Someone said to me, "but you've been single for months!!! how can you not go out and just have a little fun?" My response was, "it's just not me" but the reasoning behind it is that I have a little too much respect for myself to go and just do that. It grosses me out to think of dating someone just because I want to make out, hook up, whatever. I know, people do it, and it's perfectly acceptable to them. But the way I see it, any guy that I'm willing to kiss better damn well respect me and know that I'm not THAT kind of girl. Maybe I'm too old fashioned and you all think I'm silly for it, but frankly I don't care.

What seems inconsistent to people is the fact that I'm a tease and a flirt and 'popular' (I hate you Reid for saying that. I really should've hit you b/c it's stuck in my head) but one thing I have never been and will NEVER be is easy. The most frustrating thing is that guys don't get it. They always assume that I'm playing hard to get. I'm not playing!!! I'm really not interested, and I really mean it when I say that you should stop contacting me (Olivier). Idiot.

I just don't like the fact that people assume that I must be hooking up left and right. I'm a sloot for goodness sake, not a slut.

Smoking:
Yeah, so I've been a smoker on/off for years since college. I've successfully quit for months at a time, but there is always some excuse to bring me back to it. The last time I tried quitting was with my last boyfriend and that failed miserably. It actually made me even worse of a smoker than before b/c whenever he'd have one, I felt like I should have one with him and my goodness did he smoke. Stupid peer pressure. It's always there.

The other part of it was just the fact that I didn't want to quit. I really do enjoy smoking. I can't say why b/c it's really a personal liking to it but at the same time, I have always hated it.

You smell gross all the time, it follows you everywhere, you lose your taste, kissing sucks if someone's been smoking and you haven't, you always have to excuse yourself, and it's just generally bad for your health.

So after my break-up, I was smoking a hell of a lot more (going back to it for "support") but then I decided that I needed to end that crap. I can honestly say that I've been really really good.

I stopped buying packs or even bumming from the few friends that do smoke. I haven't been perfect; I definitely have smoked a few this week during finals but I noticed that I felt guilty and even angry for doing it. My mom told me that I was just going through a phase and that I'd eventually quit completely.

I think I'm almost there. This summer, w/o a doubt. So even though most of you know me as one of the few smokers, stop thinking that way. No more ciggies for me, and if I ask, just say NO. :)

Drinking:
Yeah, yeah, yeah. . . so everyone who works at Sliders knows my name and the owner calls me Kattrina babe. And yeah, I was a huge party girl last semester. So what?

Drinking to the extent that most people do it sucks. I actually got really angry a few weekends ago when I went out to a bar. I had one beer the whole time I was there and I couldn't believe what I was seeing. I won't go into it b/c I'm exhausted and I could probably go on for hours, but the meat market scene is revolting and sick.

This whole semester I think that I've gone out to a bar at night only 3 times. (Oh. . . ignore the first 6 days of school) It's just not my scene, and it never was. I used to make fun of people in college for it, and right now I'm not sure that I ever want to set foot in a bar at night again. Ugh. Gross. Stupid men hitting on me. Correction, stupid OLDER 40 something year old men hitting on me:

"You've got beautiful hair" (as he tries to run his fingers through it)
Get the fuck off. I'm serious. Get away before I hit you.

"Come here, I want to introduce you to my friends."
Do I know you?
"No, but I'd like to know you, gorgeous."
I don't think so. I'm not even going to that bar!!!

A black shirt and red pants does NOT give you permission to hit on me! But anyway, back to drinking. Hated it in college. . . and it's been pissing me off again so I decided to just stop and I feel much better. It sucked getting made fun of by the Sliders staff, but now they understand. The best part about it all is going out for those special occasions, drinking, and then waking up in the morning without a hangover!!! barrister's ball anyone? :) That was great.

Oh my:
So. . . really, don't be shocked that I stopped dating or smoking or drinking cold turkey. If there's one thing that I'm really good at, it's being stubborn. Now that I'm realizing what BS those things are, I'm not interested. Besides, don't feel bad for me. I'm actually happier now than ever, so it all works out! Coase theorem, really. doh.... law school.

Too tired to write more, but I'll get to the living at home situation at some point, and the how come you're so close to your parents now when you couldn't stand them before issue. It's really ironic. How I am now is exactly how I was in college, only now I'm making my own decisions and my parents actually respect me for that. Respect. Life is all about that. . . more on that another day.

Now it is time for sleep.

1 exam down, 3 to go. :)

Life is a lot better when people know who you really are.

Property sucks, but life doesn't

As much as I have hated every single minute of my property studying, I can't help but feel good. I've read, outlined, practiced, reviewed, and done everything I can to get ready for 4 hours of torture in an exam that "you will most likely not finish". (Says Super, the prof)

But it's ok. I've learned it on my own, I've got it down as well as I can considering the circumstances, and it will all be over in 12.5 hours. Life will go on, and I will feel a complete sense of relief when it is over. Then I can talk to my mom and tell her how awful it was, and she'll try to make me feel better and tell me that she's sure that I did my best. We'll have our daily conversation on life, she'll tell me how proud she is of me, and I'll feel good that we get along so well. Then the I love you's, I miss you's, and I wish you were here. It will be nice.

Plus, tomorrow is Wednesday and that means we are one day closer to next Thursday, when exams will be over and the summer vacation begins. :)

Quote of the day:

Some luck lies in not getting what you thought you wanted but getting what you have, which once you have got it you may be smart enough to see is what you would have wanted had you known. ~Garrison Keillor

I sure as hell wanted to drop property and the rest of law school, but with my parents' love, my supportive friends (near and far, present and past), and my own strength, I've gotten so much more out of this semester than I could ever imagine. :)

Good luck kids!!!

My dad rocks

my dad is w/o a doubt the most amazing person i know: loving, honest, respectful, noble, hard working, extremely intelligent, loyal, humble, doesn't smoke, doesn't really drink, and has the best stories ever. we spent 2 hours talking last night after dinner, just the two of us, and another hour this morning. it's incredible how my relationship with my parents is better than ever before. it's especially cool to talk to my dad b/c i forget how important he was in politics and int'l diplomacy.

when we were in costa rica i never realized that it was unusual for people to have a chauffeur, cook, maids, and body guards. sunday afternoons at the presidential palace or an ambassador's residence were pretty boring, but i always did enjoy the black tie cocktail parties at the house b/c i got to dress up all cute and talk to everyone while i played waitress. :) now that i'm older i can't say that i really miss it because it was all material and didn't impress me at all. i was too young then to understand how dangerous and powerful a situation my dad was in, and i'm still pretty much in the dark about a lot of his life. For example. . . i had no clue until last night that he was once appointed by one of the Presidents of Colombia to be a Minister of Finance. Crazy, right?

The details of the stories don't really matter though. The most important thing that I'm getting out of talking to him is love. I know, it sounds corny and cheesy, but it's true. I'm proud of my dad because I can honestly say that he's taught me so much about life in the past few weeks. I just hope and pray that one day I'll find a husband that is as good a man as him, though I doubt it. At least my mom has always said that I'm just like him, and after every conversation it's a little more apparent. We're both business-oriented lawyers, after all. Plus, there's a saying, "Tell me who you're with and I'll tell you who you are." :)

I suppose I should go back to studying now, but somehow a grade in a 1L property exam seems insignificant. :-P

Why a blog

So I've been getting complaints about my long ass away messages and how they're not appropriate. I have a lot of thoughts, and it's not like they're very important but I like to share. In an effort to appease the fury of those who like things short and to the point, I've got this stupid blog for those of you who like to hear me ranting and raving. Although lately I have been nothing but happy.

Enjoy. :)